{"product_id":"🌊-zero-suckers-kraken-pirate-keychain-poem-card","title":"🌊 \"Zero Suckers\" Kraken Pirate Keychain + Poem Card","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e\"A Little Kraken Release for You\" Keychain 🐙⚓\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003eCarry Your Attitude, Quietly With You\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003eWhen life hits you with choppy seas, messy days, and people who just want to drag you down? This little Kraken is your new ride-or-die.\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003eHe doesn’t start fights… but he doesn’t back down, either.\u003cdiv\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003eA constant, quiet reminder: \u003cstrong\u003eYou give zero fucks.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003eAnd that’s the toughest armor you’ll ever own.\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\u003cimg src=\"https:\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0710\/8427\/7921\/files\/8014370ed8f44160a56da829751a1185__1.png?v=1777457256\" alt=\"\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\u003ch4\u003eWhat’s Included\u003c\/h4\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e✅ 1x Vintage-Style Poem Card\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003eWith original Kraken art + the full poem. Tuck it in your wallet, on your desk, or in a gift bag — instant vibe check.\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e✅ 1x Kraken Keychain\u003c\/div\u003e\u003cp\u003eAntique silver finish Kraken with pirate hat + iconic middle finger\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMini compass, anchor charm, and sparkling cubic zirconia \"birthstone\" accent\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eEngraved \"ZERO SUCKERS\" tag (we mean it)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHeavy-duty lobster clasp — works for keys, bags, backpacks, anything.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch4\u003eWho This Is Perfect For\u003c\/h4\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eTreat yourself\u003c\/strong\u003e: Your personal vibe reset button, to stop overthinking people-pleasing\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFor your ride-or-die\u003c\/strong\u003e: The friend who needs a little more \"IDGAF\" energy\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFor your work buddy\u003c\/strong\u003e: The silent \"eff off\" to toxic office drama\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFor anyone who loves edgy, dark humor, nautical vibes, or just being unapologetically them\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOr just because you deserve a little \"no rules\" gift for yourself.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch4\u003eSpecs\u003c\/h4\u003e\u003cp\u003eSize: ~3\" total length (keychain)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFinish: Antique silver weathered pirate aesthetic\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSet includes: 1 keychain + 1 poem card\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAdd this Kraken to your cart today.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003eThe world’s got enough people trying to sink your ship.\u003cdiv\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003eIt’s time you carried your own monster to crush the noise.\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"mysite","offers":[{"title":"January","offer_id":47290335166649,"sku":"PH6042913Y1","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"February","offer_id":47290335199417,"sku":"PH6042913Y2","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"March","offer_id":47290335232185,"sku":"PH6042913Y3","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"April","offer_id":47290335264953,"sku":"PH6042913Y4","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"May","offer_id":47290335297721,"sku":"PH6042913Y5","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"June","offer_id":47290335330489,"sku":"PH6042913Y6","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"July","offer_id":47290335363257,"sku":"PH6042913Y7","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"August","offer_id":47290335396025,"sku":"PH6042913Y8","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"September","offer_id":47290335428793,"sku":"PH6042913Y9","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"October","offer_id":47290335461561,"sku":"PH6042913Y10","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"November","offer_id":47290335494329,"sku":"PH6042913Y11","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"December","offer_id":47290335527097,"sku":"PH6042913Y12","price":14.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0705\/8902\/2393\/files\/8014370ed8f44160a56da829751a1185__1.png?v=1779781849","url":"https:\/\/longlifehealthsupport.shop\/products\/%f0%9f%8c%8a-zero-suckers-kraken-pirate-keychain-poem-card","provider":"My Store","version":"1.0","type":"link"}